Sport coat and other ramblings....

(Sports coat)

(Warning going to be rambling for quite a while in my introduction before I get to what the title suggest. My professor calls it having to big a porch for the size of your house)

Ever have a moment where the importance of everything just shifted? When you knew what was important before just wasn’t as important anymore? Ever been arguing with someone and then get a phone call and whatever you were mad about just became so insignificant that it faded away into nothingness.

Well been there done that this past two weeks. So in shifting gears I’ve completely dumped my blog readers. You see I carried on another blog under my real name somewhere else. And during this shift it became painfully apparent to me why the creative writing expert I saw on the local news said that blogging should be done anonymously. It was a follow up story on the murdered VCU freshman, Taylor Behl. Behl had apparently met the 35 year old murder suspect through blogging. Apparently that’s how the police also found her body, from pictures of the old house the suspect had on his blog.

So I used to run this anon blog concurrently, but now it’s the only show in town for me. So if you’re reading this and you know my true identity consider yourself one of the chosen few.

So here we go. I used to work for a fortune 500 company in their IT department. While I was there I worked with some contractors. These contractors were an interesting bunch. If you’ve ever worked with any then you know what I mean. They did PC imaging for this company. It was a real simple project and if anyone’s used Symantec’s ghost then you know what I’m talking about. My job was to help test the images for the fulltime employees that created them. The contractors, just had to slap the images on new computers. Needless to say this was not intricate time consuming work for them. This almost brainless work left the contractors with a lot of time to talk.

And I sat between two of the most loquacious of them all. Banks and Don. Now Banks was an Army Ranger, so he was crazy. Rangers maybe the closest thing that the army has to a marine (Looking forward to Jarhead.) We were in a bullpen like area so all of the conversations were open and Banks would talk to everyone. He most often calls Don, by his name Don but he also referred to him as Don Juan (who I found out recently was in search for the perfect woman) then I he started referring to him as ‘Coat’. You see Don was known for having lunch with the finest women down at the job every day. Maybe after a few weeks into my job I finally asked Banks, the question …”What does coat mean?”

Oh! Coat is short for sport coat.” Banks explained with a nonchalant tone that seemed to suggest that his statement cleared up all ambiguity. So I went on a little further and asked Banks again. “Oh see when you come home from a hard days work, and you and your lady have been fighting, what you have to do is check under the bed for a pair shoes, to make sure that Sport Coat hasn’t been by your house.” With still not enough to go on I ask him to explain. And he did, and now I’ll pass it on to you.

Sport coat. (AKA sports coat, coat)

First off the name’s significance may throw you off, because it does describe a certain type of gentleman. Now I subscribe to the GQ style guy’s mantra, a man’s blazer should be cut from the same cloth of his pants. So then why is this the moniker for this particular brand of player? Simply put, have you ever been at a casual event? One of those outings where guys always have a hard time dressing for? You know it’s not appropriate to wear tennis shoes and a sweat shirt, but between that, khakis and suits, what do we wear that says dressy but not too dressy? Typically we find some sweater or long sleeve button up shirt, depending on the weather, and some jeans and semi casual dress shoes, if we own them. A conundrum to say the least for most guys. So once we’ve gotten our outfit together, we show up and when we see other guys similarly dressed you start to feel comfortable. Ah, but atlas, there is, as Devin the Dude says, always one in the crowd, typically a late arriver who shoes up, dressed a notch above the rest, well maybe several. Because not only is he dressed supremely causal without jeans, but he also has a blazer on that matches the patterns of his shirt, shoes and pants. This, my friend is the major identifiable characteristic of what we know to be a sport coat.

Now he may sound very akin to a metrosexual, but the name kind of gives him away. Sexuality is in question when dealing with a metro sexual, else why would sexuality be a part of the name? You see a metrosexual is really particular, he gets his eyebrows waxed and has manicures and pedicures done on a regular basis. He likes to shop just as much or longer than women. This is not a sport coat. Now a Metro sexual can fall into the category of a sports coat but all sport coats’ are by no means metrosexuals.

(*Now before you get mad at me, I never said that a metro sexual is gay, I said his sexuality is always in question.*)

You see a sports coat knows what the rock song says is true “every girls crazy bout a sharp dressed man.” So he makes sure that his dress is always a step above most whenever he goes out. Whether it’s tennis shoes that match his jeans and shirt or if it’s wearing a color or a style that’s just flashy enough to get him noticed without creating too much of stir.

Enough about dress, let me tell you what really is at the essences of a sport coat.

You see a sport’s coat has some distinctive missions rules, and proclivities..

1. He’s never attached.

(I was going over this with some of my class mates and they wanted to argue about this part. I’m thinking to myself how are you going to argue with me on something I’m defining for you?) The point is this guy never has a girlfriend or at least not a steady one. Commitment doesn’t work for the sport coat, he’s always looking for the best looking girl. No matter who he’s with at the moment there is always a better looking one out there. The thing is there’s never a better looking girl than the one that is already attached. Which leads us to point two….

2. He specializes in girls that are attached.

Girls that already have a man present a challenge to this guy. He’s the one that when he meets your girl and she says she has a man, he doesn’t flinch a moment. He pursues even harder. You see the thing for the coat is the challenge of prying a girl from her boyfriend.

3. He is flamboyant.

This goes beyond his looks, and his money and anything else. It’s goes to what we call being the peacock. He doesn’t really care who peeps game. Matter of fact that’s a part of his success, he’s unashamed. And his bravado attracts other women.

Now I must pause to say, that the sport coat wouldn’t be successful if it weren’t for the relationship. You see, the women that a sport coat pulls are in a relationship that isn’t altogether tight. You see if it were, the sport coat wouldn’t have any room to operate. And there in lies the benefit, if there is one, of the sport coat; he shakes the relationship tree to see what will fall out.

You haven’t to worry if your relationship is all good, because why would your girl want to leave you for a sports coat? Nine times out of ten women can smell a sport’s coat a mile away. But that’s the point. A wise man once told me, men never play women, women play men.

Now I’m not a sports coat. I don’t have the money to dress that well. And I’m the type of guy that definitely does not date attached women. Now don’t get me wrong, I have been a player in a former life. Didn’t mean to be but it just sort of crept up on me. But I am a believer in Karma, and so I’ve been a victim of no less than three sport coats.

Truth is I would have never been a victim if I were in solid relationships.

(Henry the Chicken Hawk )

How to spot a sport coat:

Always scouting. These guys, no matter where they are, or what they are doing are always on the look for the next victim. I call them chicken hawks. Remember the little character on the Looney Tunes’ fog horn leg horn? “I’m a chicken hawk and I hunt chickens!” It’s easy to tell if you’re having a conversation with them in a high traffic area, look for the head on a swivel.

Peacock behavior. They will have loud, flashy clothing, or extravagant jewelry. A sports coat will be flashing cufflinks and accoutrements. Loud talking. Always joining in other peoples conversations, typically used to get into close proximity of his victim. Always out front, in the spot light.

Attentiveness. Always pays close attention towards the victim, seemingly totally obliviously to everyone else in the social circle. Even if he’s married (married doesn’t mean attached in his mind) this guy doesn’t care who sees him when he’s on the prowl. That’s what the victim likes, the unabashed attention that he shines her way. Women are suckers for attention and the sport coat knows this and uses it to his full advantage.

So ladies, communicate your unhappiness, uneasiness, and dissatisfaction to your man. Give him a chance first. I know you showed signs and gave hints, but we can be so thick in the head. You’ve got to spell it out for us. And know this that the Sport coat, might be good for a minute but he’s not going to stick around for long, you’ll eventually have to either go back to your man or find another one.

And fellas it’s kind of like Dave Hollister says, “you’d better take care of home,” before Jonnie ‘JT’ Taylor sings “ain’t no sense in going home, Jodie’s got your girl and gone.”