I Still Love Her

There is a special girl in my life. We don’t talk much anymore. Forces, unforeseeable forces, have separated us. We used to be really close. And spend almost every weekend together. Now somebody else is occupying her time. It used to be me. She has different interest now. We used to sit around and do nothing, you know just watch TV. Now she’s gone on without me. Whenever I call to talk to her, if I do reach her, it’s a short conversation. I miss the way we used to be. I guess it happens to the best relationship, they grow apart. And I tried to do what I could to keep it together.

I blame that other guy. He was always there, hanging around. He’d be there more than I would. I guess she started listening to him more than me. Looking forward to spending more time with him than me. My little bit of money used to be enough for her entertainment. Even thought this dude has more money than me, I don’t think that’s what it was. Man, I miss her. And I know now when we see each other it will never be the same. We had one of the most intimate relationships I have ever had with a human being of the opposite sex. I know that she has grown now and maybe I just don’t do it for her anymore. The little things that I used to do to make her laugh don’t make her laugh anymore. That glimmer in her eye she had when I’d look at her isn’t there anymore.

It's funny how when we both were younger; I used to hang out with the other guy in her life more than her. I guess that was because I got to know him first. I would want to be around him more than her back then. But now It's her I miss the most. But maybe that's because she's not the same girl that I used to know. Maybe I should stop and look her over.

Well she’s turns 14 today. And my niece will never be that little girl that she was back in the day. She loved her uncle and I was the special man in her life. Yeah my bigger brother always had more money than me and truth be told spent more money on her. But I could spend my disposable income in a different way. I could buy alot more toys, candy and clothes. But she’s closer to him and that’s ok with me. I guess it’s important for a (gulp) teenage girl to have a healthy relationship with her Dad. When they moved an hour away to Frederick we did grow apart. Now I’m 3 hours away. She was in elementary school the last time we lived less than a half an hour away. She’s a sophomore in high school now! I remember when she was born and, I remember when she could barely talk. I remember that day she came running in my room with her grandmas heels on, at like 2 years old. She was so bad, even up until middle school. So mischievous but I understood her cause I was the same way as a child.

Yeah and I’m ashamed to say that I’d ask my brother if I can hang out with my nephew her bigger brother without picking her up. But I guess my older brother in his older brother wisdom knew what kind of damage that splitting them up would’ve done to our relationship and more importantly to her psyche. He never would allow it.

I remember the day that her and her brother were helping me wash my car and an old friend from high school dropped by. My little lady was so protective of her “Uncle Wedgy” (that was her crack on me) that she literally sat in my lap to keep that woman away from me. She knew something that I didn’t.

Now I find myself feeling that same way. Wanting to protect her from teenage boys and grown men too, who think like I did back then. But all I can do is hope and pray that the love, health and respect that the seven men in our family (her father, brother, grandfather and uncle, her moms’ father and brothers) gave showed her how a man should love, respect and treat a woman.

Happy birthday baby girl.

(I ain’t have any money to give you.)