Men are from mars, Women ain't. (August 29)

Even though I’m tough on Cooning, I am a big Martin fan. And I got the title of this blog from the episode when Martin & Gina were having marital problems. This was the episode when Martin came back home from work after having argued in the morning and he and Gina weren’t speaking when he came thru the door. He looks around and opens the stove and sniffs as if to say “How come dinner’s not cooking?” Gina crosses her leg and turns in the other direction, still reading her book with that title. Martin goes and rattles pots and pans and then grabs a bag of potato chips that he rustles and finally pops open from the bottom. He walks over to cut on the football game and yells, “Aw man please, you clipped him.” Then Gina in turn puts on the radio and starts dancing to that song…. “Come on ride that train… and ride it.” Martin runs over and turns off the Radio and Gina runs over and turns the game off. And they finally speak to each other…

Martin: Gina I was watching the game
Gina: I was reading Martin.
Martin: Why don’t you go and read in the bedroom?
Gina: go watch TV in the bedroom.
Martin: It's broken Gina.
Gina: WELL THEN FIX IT!

Hilarious.

On with today’s post.

I was meeting with my friend today. Jewel. We’ve worked together and she’s a very genuine person. I respect her and she respects me. Lately we have been on the discussion of relationships. For some reason my advice as a man has been sought after lately. I know, go figure.

My friend Key and I have been toying with the idea of writing a book. And it is afternoons like this that make me think I’m on to something .

So any way I’m meeting with my friend Jewel. And she tells me about a group of friends of hers who have been discussing dating. One of her friends has on her card WNSWY. I was giving the task of uncovering the cryptic message. After writing it down and about 10 minutes of scrutinizing I gave up. It was written under the phone number and e-mail of the card that Jewel’s friend would give out to men. And the inscription means… Will Not Sleep With You. Now at first glance I could appreciate it. Because, no man really wants to be with a woman that is prone to ‘earliness.’ And if you don’t know what I mean now, read this paragraph a couple of more times. But then I shrink back because it hits me, isn’t that a little presumptuous. But more than that it sets the scene for the over all contention that seems to be typical of relationships between men and women these days.

So in comes the idea of my book. You may have read, “He’s just not that into you.” My friend and I key are going to write a similar version with a focus on the Hip Hop Generation. So my friend Jewel and her girls have the bright idea of getting a focus group together, so that they can learn more about the other side. I’m like who me? Yeah, go figure. Well any way I think I am a good lab rat for this experiment. I’m well qualified, because I’m so familiar with the mess that men pull. I’ve had so many failed relationships and have been screwed over and screwed others over. So here it goes. We’re writing a book. Now please don’t take my ideas. I’m going to keep the title to myself. But it’s a popular phrase used to describe young adults from late teens to the end of their twenties. And since we are out, well me almost out. We have a unique perspective.

My blog has already gotten to be too long. The introduction is what did it. But I want to give some of the evidence of the problem and see what you think.

So about a month ago I was reading a book “Childhood and society by Erick Erikson.” He says that you can tell a lot about children by their toys and adults by their reasons. And around the same time I went to a cookout with my usual suspect social crew. Now the thing about this crew is that whenever we get together we always play a game. Doesn’t matter what it is: Bowling, Board games, card games it’s always men against women. And Erikson’s theories say that children play games that put them in roles that they ascribe to once they become adults. Often these roles are ones that the children feel are beyond their control. So I was telling my friend about this the day before the cook out. Low and behold (that’s old school talk there.) After the card game broke out the taboo game was brought out and the lines were drawn. The men against women. Me trying to save the good time from the impending all out war, tried to say, “we don’t have to play men vs. women. We can play by birthdays or something.” The women shot back “what are ya’ll scared.” And as Treach said…”once again it’s on.” It started out ok but once one team got a lead (won’t say that it was the men.) The other side made accusations of cheating and by the end the ultra competitiveness on both sides was fully flowing. Distracting each other, claiming that one was breaking this rule and the other was breaking that one. We where a few moments shy of name calling by the time we finished. At that point it had long stopped being fun. And when the men finally came out victorious I didn’t even have joy enough for the George Jefferson Strut. And you know that’s serious.

My point is maybe Erikson’s right. We play against each other because we haven’t figured out yet how to work together. Everybody down there was single and between the ages of 21 and 33. Save one. And I keep hearing the words to Jodeci’s song “ Love U 4 Life”

“Do you believe in love?
And the promise that it gives?”

Can we learn to as Rodney King said, “...all just get along?" I want to say that there is still hope. I have more to say but I'll save it for part II.